Not that hungry

I am experiencing something really weird at the moment.

I really want to think that it's my non dieting mode of thinking. I am not thinking about food all the time. It's amazing and feels absolutely fantastic. Situations arise where I would normally go for some little snack, and I ask myself 'Am I hungry?' and my answer is a resounding "NO!" I can't believe it, never thought I would ever say that. Me who is always hungry, me who is always wondering what the next meal/snack is, and when it will be and how much it will be. Me who is always trying to work out how I can eat the most for what I am 'allowed' to eat........ I don't even have supper every night, something I made sure I always had when on a diet. I can even go without lunch and not feel like I am going to keel over. I would feel so faint and dizzy after a few hours of not eating, and now it doesn't happen. Probably because when I have dinner, it has some substance to it, and keeps me satisfied for much longer. I know skipping meals isn't ideal, but, if I can go without lunch and then have a good dinner, surely that has to be okay, if I am not going hungry and I certainly don't feel deprived........

I am learning, I am making inroads to eating intuitively.

Body Image

I belong to a yahoo group which looks at the elements of Intuitive Eating. Every day a new discussion is started and I always think about my reply and can usually add my bit straight away. Yesterday's topic was about "My Body". IE advocates to learn to love oneself and to love your body. To respect and honour it and be humbled by all it can do for you. I like that, that has really struck a chord with me.......until I look in the mirror that is!! I thought about my reply to this topic for two days, because I really struggled with it, and I so much want to get past this mentality. Here is what I wrote.

I have been thinking to a reply to this post for the last two days, and couldn't come up with anything positive to share. This is my stumbling bloc - my body!

I don't wait for anything, 'I'll do that when I lose weight', so I know life wouldn't be any different if I were slim. I take good care of myself, my hair is always done, even if I am at home all day, I always wear makeup, even just a little when at home. I wear nice clothes - but I would love to wear different clothes. I feel great, I feel good within myself, I don't feel grossed out by my body at all, until I look in the mirror, or worse, catch a look at myself unexpectedly in a shop window.

So far my thoughts are still at this level
"why can't everyone else be a little plump, like me?

" Why can't we still have the same body desires as in the 50's,
or even in centuries gone by where a buxom and voluptuous woman
was considered beautiful and sexy?"

I am confident, I carry myself well, I am not afraid to
speak up for myself or to be the life of a gathering.......
these are thoughts which I only have for me. They just haunt
me when no-one is watching!.

Enjoying food freedom

Just in case anyone is reading this and is wondering why they can't find their way back to my other blog. I have omitted the address from my profile as I have some younger readers, who I don't really want to read my innermost thoughts and feelings. So, if you haven't bookmarked it, leave a comment and let me know. The blogs are still accessible without password etc, just that you can't jump to them in my profile, where they were previously listed.

I have been doing some more reading of late, about others who have thrown diet mode out the window. Very interesting and very motivating. I feel like I am on the right path. I went into the supermarket today to buy some necessities, and I felt like some goodies..... I bought a nice tub of good yoghurt. To think that as a treat I pick something like that is really wierd. It's not a cake, not chocolate, but a yummy yoghurt that I will eat over three nights - because it's so filling I couldn't eat it in one sitting if I tried.

Probably the best thing, is that I can nuture one of my passions. I can cook. I can cook for my family whatever recipe my heart desires, without having to calculate points and decide that I can only have a small helping IF I eat a salad leaf for lunch!! The thing is I don't cook fatty anyway. I only deep fry something occasionally. I love making vegetable fritters, schnitzel and spring rolls (home made).............I would average one of these dishes about once a month, so it's not going to kill my arteries!

I wonder how many years it will take to get the rid of the dieting brainwashing?

Food Wars Continue

My other blog started as a weight loss blog. I have had that blog for two years, maybe more, and there hasn't been a lot of weight loss happening. Because I am always changing/stopping/evolving as far as my dieting journey goes, I have become reluctant to post about this, because I feel like I have failed somewhat. I still feel that I need to journal this all down though, even though the other blog has become a journal. I wanted somewhere else to write down my thoughts.

I have dieted on and off for over twenty years. I know exactly what to do, how often and how much! But I couldn't lose weight anymore. I'd hit a brick wall........ I can't do WW anymore. I don't ever want to try Jenny Craig again. I can't afford Sureslim, nor do I want the total deprivation which comes with that style of dieting.

So - no more dieting. I have found Intuitive Eating, and feel like this is an answer to my prayers........... I belong to a Ning group which is for those on IE and I have learnt alot through it. (I will post a link in the sidebar, when I get organized). At the moment I feel like I am failing at that too though. The weekend just gone was a retreat - and bucket loads of food is always involved in this weekend. By Sunday, I realized that I had overdone things, and I didn't feel real good about it. I had stomach pains Sunday night, and I felt so guilty. Diet mentality still reigns supreme.........

Need to go to Peaches and Cream and do some more reading.